Empathy is a key component to discovering enlightenment and fulfillment in our own lives. The following is a small part of what I learnt on my journey. To truly discuss empathy we must first give consideration to perception.
Perception is how we see the world. The human being is a learning creature and every input we are exposed to throughout our lives programs our minds and determines what we see. Our responses to these inputs are also part of our perception and how each input affects us on a chemical/emotional level (our physical and mental responses).
We have to ask ourselves “What do I truly see? What do others see? Why do I respond like that? Why do others respond like they do?etc”
This is a very complicated matter that can be explained far more deeply than this, however I want to attempt to keep this as simple as possible.
Imagine a single ray of light passing through a curved lens. The light will pass through and reflect at a specific angle. Now imagine the same light passing through the same curved lens, but the lens has been shifted just a fraction. The light still passes and reflects, but given the minor adjustment of the lens, the light is in a completely different direction to the original. Same light, same input, same lens, the only difference is the angle of the lens. Each individual is the shifting of the lens and what we see is determined by a lifetime of input. Same input, but very different results and very different responses.
This is immensely important. My very own enlightenment rose in part from identifying this very concept and learning the truth about many things including how to truly discover empathy and compassion.
I’m going to give a basic real world example that discusses abuse (without great detail), so please be advised that this may trigger some readers and if so, please reach out to your nearest helpline if required. I share my wisdom to help others and to prevent self harm, so please always reach out if you need to.
Real world example.
2 children raised in 2 separate households. 1 child is yelled at a lot, swearing yelling, name calling, but this is where it stops. The second child is raised and exposed to the same verbal and mental abuse, the one significant difference is that the abuse also becomes very physically violent.
When these 2 children are older and a verbal altercation occurs, what do you think happens? Take a moment to think about it, try to put yourself in their bodies and minds, both as children and now as adults.
The first child will yell and argue, but at no time does their adrenaline pump, they do not have a fight or flight response because life has taught them that words are merely words and whilst they have a negative impact (emotionally and mentally), life has taught them that a verbal confrontation merely remains verbal and loss of life and fear of death or physical harm are not required.
The second child has a drastically different experience. Immediately upon the raising of the voice, the second child’s physical system goes into hyperdrive. Adrenaline pumps, chemicals pound through the body in an extreme fight or flight response. In child 2’s life, verbal leads to a real world physical fight for survival based on their very real world experiences. The body and mind simply do not differentiate between the previous abuse and this situation. Child 1 without the extreme chemical response may appear calmer and more rational in their argument, whilst the overwhelming chemical responses in child 2 can make them physically shake (adrenaline overdrive) and their minds are less likely to remain as rational as the chemicals flood the mind and survival becomes a very real state. Same situation 2 very different responses. Watching these 2, it would be easy to make a flawed assumption about who behaves better or worse. I’d suggest most would say child 1 behaved better. But did they? Child 1 remained calmer but completely embraced what they had learnt. Child 2, although appearing more upset, did not become violent and merely argued. Which child has done the best at fighting off their childhood? Which of the children is working on self awareness and breaking the cycle of abuse? Which is merely continuing to behave as they were taught with no regard for improvement?
Neither person gets a pass and each have work to do, but at least one of these people has a true awareness of the changes they are seeking to make in breaking the cycle of abuse.
Our minds are amazing, but also fundamentally flawed. When we grow up in certain ways, our brain will adapt to ensure that survival is our primary response and unfortunately for far too many people the survival aspect of this is not merely words, but a genuine inbuilt chemical reaction within the body as a result of years of physical abuse and a very real threat of death on a daily basis.
Consider a shark attack victim who develops severe PTSD. On land, this individual lives a full life and excluding bad dreams and thoughts, in the real world on land they do not fear being attacked again. The body and mind can remain calm and live well. Now if the same person was put on a boat and taken out in the ocean, their mind remembers and sends messages to the body. Massive chemical and adrenaline spikes occur and the individual can become completely frozen, distressed etc.
How we have lived, what we have seen, what we have lived through matters and determines how we see the world (and others within it), which is biologically completely normal. However humans have the capacity for both great intelligence and tremendous positive emotional responses. Once we are aware of our own singular perception, we can identify that such a singular view based on our own experiences are not merely flawed, but fundamentally wrong from a completely different perspective. This is the key to developing true EMPATHY.
I have a saying and it goes like this:
“If you truly believe something to be true, it should stand up to any and all scrutiny and the person who scrutinizes it most, should be you?”
If we all practice putting ourselves in others’ places, seeing through their eyes, having empathy and compassion for what they see and if everyone else did that for us, how much more loving and compassionate could the world be?
A wise person once said “If you want to live in a world of love and compassion, you must create such a world by being loving and compassionate”.
Individuals have enormous power, far more than we know and each decision, each choice we make can contribute not only to our lives, but the lives of others. I hope this rings true and I hope that each of you takes some time to consider these words and practice what has been discussed. The vast majority of people are good people who make decisions based only on what they know and believe. If we all practice compassion, then a compassionate world is what we can create together. See through the eyes of others, learn empathy and love and compassion will follow.
For those reading who are familiar with the chemical responses to situations that create a strong trauma response I can attest that meditation is the key to resolving this. Meditation buys the mind time, the split second it needs to reflect on the fact that the current situation is not our previous experience of life threatening trauma. Meditation can literally physically help heal the mind. Review the archives for meditation letters and techniques. It works and is a key component to overcoming trauma and the inbuilt response. I know, it worked for me and it will work for you. It takes time, but developing this meditation technique can truly help you be the best you.